The time we had our first meeting

So when I started, In December, B2 kept talking about how we needed to have staff meetings to keep everyone up-to-date. Finally, in February her schedule opened up to allow time for a meeting. As you know, she is extremely busy – sometimes with hearts, sometimes with TV in her office, sometimes sleeping – so it’s hard to fit a meeting into that schedule. She came to me to tell me tomorrow afternoon we were going to have our first staff meeting. I was so excited for the meeting. I prepped agendas as we were going to have 2 meetings – one for each department. I printed, photocopied, correlated all of the paperwork we had to discuss, I was ready. Tomorrow came, the meeting was pushed back, tomorrow came again, the meeting was pushed back, the next week came, the meeting was pushed back again. To sum up, we never had a meeting in February.

We did finally have a staff meeting for the one department…in April. Obviously by then, my previous agenda and paperwork were out of date. She wanted us to come to the meeting with ideas of how to improve things in the office. I had my list…we talked about a few items. B2 decided to wear shorts to the meeting…I was distracted by the train wreck which is the open sores on her legs. They were gross and disgusting and I couldn’t stop staring! B2 often wears skirts or shorts and she’ll wear them to client meetings. I cannot understand why you would show clients the open sores on your legs that you sit and scratch all meeting.

In the end, we decided that there were some new pieces of equipment we’d buy right away….it’s the end of June – we have not bought one of those pieces of equipment yet.

We also have never have that meeting with the other department.

Some advice on telling jokes on the spot

I was told the other day since I have been doing some comedic performances to tell a joke on the spot.

I am not a stand-up comedian so I do not have a whole set of jokes ready at the mark to entertain random folks or acquaintances.

I do now however have the perfect response for this question - that I can up with on the spot when asked to tell a joke...I guess the perfect response is a joke but that is not the point.

Here is my perfect response to if someone asks me for a joke:

Sorry I don't know any jokes. (that's just the opening - not the joke)
I'm just full of wit and hilarity and so my jokes are like lasers, you never know when one is coming (laser sounds).

The key is finishing with laser sounds as everyone loves the sounds of lasers.

Some advice on the difference between tenacious and stalker

It appears that there is a fine line between being tenacious and being a stalker when it comes to meeting people.

The key is charm as stalkers are rarely charming.

Here's the best way to be tenacious:

1. Introduce yourself, perhaps with a witty opening. Maybe give them a card with a link to your blog.

2. Run into the person again the next day - remind them how hilarious your first encounter was and how this second encounter will be just as hilarious.

3. See this person at a party. Decide it is necessary to have another 'random' encounter. Wait until they are alone, then reminder them again how hilarious you are.

4. See this person again at breakfast the day after the party. This time they will remember you are hilarious and might inquire if this hilarity is present even in the morning. Say NO. No one likes people who are hilarious in the morning as hilarity before 10 am can often be seen as being obnoxious. (Just check out morning radio personalities)

5. Have one final random encounter. Cement the hilarity of previous convos with some more jokes as it's now afternoon and you won't be confused for obnoxious. Say bye...at this point another random encounter could border on stalker and you want to be remembered as hilarious and tenacious - not creepy and crazy.

PS. This strategy works best if a) you are not a stalker b) you are charming and c) you are hilarious.

If you are not hilarious, I do not recommend employing these tactics to make yourself a memorable person.

Ratings: TV vs Mayonnaise

If I had to choose a life without mayonnaise or a life without television, I would have to choose the life without mayonnaise.

It probably wouldn't be considered a huge sacrifice as I dislike mayonnaise and I love TV.

The time B2 had a great idea about the website

So we were in one of our rare meeting where we learn about things that are either over due or have to be done with an unrealistic timeline.

Our website became a topic of conversation as it’s currently unmaintained. We had a web design company run diagnostics on it and it’s over 100 pages as every item is a separate page so it’s near impossible to update easily.

B2 mentioned how she’d found a website she loves – a major competitor in the USA – and how she’d like to take the design AND CONTENT and make it our website. She said she’d send me the link so I could start copying and pasting everything. I pointed out that stealing design and content is plagiarism and that I would not do that. I said if she really wanted, I would copy and paste it but that I would not help her make it to our website and after I sent it to her I wanted no part of it. She then got upset because everyone does it – everyone steals everyone else’s websites. I said no they don’t. The hilarious part is that she was so excited that she had come up with such a brilliant idea and layout for our website before I mentioned it would illegal!

Since then, I have been accused of conspiring against her. It turns out that I am also a huge disappointment, untrustworthy and generally a horrible employee.

The time I learned about B2’s feelings on abbrevs

So the other day in a meeting B2 mentioned how she hates that peeps speak in abbrevs now. Obvs it’s cause she can’t understand them. She had in the past mentioned that she finds it tots unapropes when people write an address and write say ave. instead of avenue.

I found out that E asked B2 why she had such feelings about abbrevs.

This was her response:

“Why do I dislike when a woman walks into a room and man doesn’t greet her first? Why do I dislike it when a man wears a hat inside? Why do I dislike when people get introduced without their proper Mr. Mrs or Ms in front of their name?”

FYI this in no way explains why you’d hate abbrevs!

The time we tried for a government contract

So B2 has it in her mind that the best way to save the company is to be awarded government contracts. This is despite the fact that they would only give a small burst of money and doesn’t really lead to other clients. B2 also believes that she is the best person in the company to write these proposals for contracts and refuses to allow anyone to help her. This is because she is so good at writing them – in the last 2 years, she has applied to 8 different government contracts and has got zero of them. She once had someone else write the proposal and was awarded that contract – that is the only contract we’ve ever received.

Since I’ve been working here, we’ve applied to 2 different contracts. The first one was in January. Now, the application had to be in Ottawa by 5 pm on a Thursday. B2 did not start the proposal until the Monday. She told me that she had to pull some “all-nighters” during the week to finish it for Thursday. The government gives you about 4-6 weeks to put together these proposals so you can image it can be difficult to start any earlier than the week of. On the Thursday, she ended up flying up to Ottawa as it was cheaper for her to book a last minute flight and hand deliver it than have a courier take it to the Ottawa on the day of. The money she spent flying up there would be a percentage of the money we’d make if we got it. We didn’t get it and B2 through a fit where she yelled or didn’t speak to nearly everyone in the company.

Our latest foray into winning a government contract led to calling a courier at 11:45 am when it had to be in Niagara Falls by 2 pm. That meant the courier had the exact amount of time it takes to drive with no stops. In the instructions for the proposal, it clearly stated that the proposal had to be less than 10 pages. B2 told me she decided to ignore it as 1. it didn’t really apply to her proposal and 2. she didn’t have to follow that rule cause she was so good at the proposals. Needless to say, we did not get that contract. If it says it has to be less than 10 pages, the government won’t even read it cause you can’t follow instructions! When B2 found it, things went into shit storm territory.

She called B1 and I into her office to tell us that by her doing these proposals she was the only one in the company trying to bring in sales and that everyone might have to take a pay cut next week. She then overheard E and I talking about non work related things. She called E into her office to tell him if he was not talking about work, he was not to talk. She then proceeded to ignore all the other staff for the rest of the day.

In cause you were wondering, why doesn’t she ask for help on these proposals or if she doesn’t want help how can she blame all of the other staff for it failing or if she’s so good at this why does she never win the answer is: it is never her fault that she does not win contracts or that sales have fallen or that her proposals don’t get in more than 10 minutes before the deadline. It is never B2’s fault!