Wednesday, October 26, 2011
The time I was working in loserville
Now I have had numerous jobs that I did not enjoy or were boring or have some hilarious antidotes. Since the time the pool table was moved I feel like I want to contribute some other stories from my employment past as well as to continue my some advice posts as sometimes people just need advice.
When I began working at this particular contract, I began in a room with 2 other guys. I like to refer to the room as loserville. Their jobs were computer internet jobs and they would spend all day surfing online and then writing reports about what was online...boring.
When I first started, I thought they were just losers until I realized that I was actually working with loser and uber-loser. How does one recognize an uber-loser? Well start by asking what type of music he likes. The answer will be 'I don't really listen to music' which really thwarted my plan since I asked only so that I could play the radio aloud and people don't object as much if it's music they like to listen to. A few days later, I asked whether he had seen the Daily Show the night before. He doesn't watch TV. I asked if he read - which perhaps came across as more as questioning his literacy rather than if reading was a hobby - either way, he did not read. So he does not read, listen to music or watch TV. That leaves video games...with no other interests or hobbies. After that, we did not speak again at the office. It was probably for the best. He earned the nickname uber-loser. The other guy was just a regular loser who didn't have much to say and wasn't very funny.
When I began working at this particular contract, I began in a room with 2 other guys. I like to refer to the room as loserville. Their jobs were computer internet jobs and they would spend all day surfing online and then writing reports about what was online...boring.
When I first started, I thought they were just losers until I realized that I was actually working with loser and uber-loser. How does one recognize an uber-loser? Well start by asking what type of music he likes. The answer will be 'I don't really listen to music' which really thwarted my plan since I asked only so that I could play the radio aloud and people don't object as much if it's music they like to listen to. A few days later, I asked whether he had seen the Daily Show the night before. He doesn't watch TV. I asked if he read - which perhaps came across as more as questioning his literacy rather than if reading was a hobby - either way, he did not read. So he does not read, listen to music or watch TV. That leaves video games...with no other interests or hobbies. After that, we did not speak again at the office. It was probably for the best. He earned the nickname uber-loser. The other guy was just a regular loser who didn't have much to say and wasn't very funny.
MBA part one - made up stuff
I've noticed a big problem in the MBA course work we're doing.
We need to come up with products/services/companies that don't exist and then write marketing plans with analysis.
The problems when doing say a SWOT (strength/weakness/opportunity/threat) analysis:
Strength - we hired the best in the business, we have exclusive contracts with the major players
Weakness - we don't exist - those employees and contracts mentioned don't exist either
Opportunity - we can grow and follow the trends in the market place, we are in a unique position to adapt
Threat - someone might notice we don't exist; our unique position is actually not existing
We need to come up with products/services/companies that don't exist and then write marketing plans with analysis.
The problems when doing say a SWOT (strength/weakness/opportunity/threat) analysis:
Strength - we hired the best in the business, we have exclusive contracts with the major players
Weakness - we don't exist - those employees and contracts mentioned don't exist either
Opportunity - we can grow and follow the trends in the market place, we are in a unique position to adapt
Threat - someone might notice we don't exist; our unique position is actually not existing
MBA it begins
I've started a new secret project...
I'm going to write about the hilarity that is being in an MBA program...
I know - surprise - there are laughs!
I'm going to write about the hilarity that is being in an MBA program...
I know - surprise - there are laughs!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The time I learned about mental illness
So I have had some lessons on mental illness lately.
First came at a bar where a guy explained to me that he was able to cure his bipolar by taking vitamins and amino acids at specific times in specific doses. He also explained that Autism is also completely curable. I refrained from asking too many questions regarding his cure of chemical imbalance of the brain as I would have hated to get him upset into a manic episode if he had skipped his vitamins that day...
The second was at the job I temporarily worked at the other week. The boss, big D, came in and explained to me and his assistant how 20% of the population is certifiably insane, 60% of the population had some sort of mental illness of varying degrees leaving only 20% of the population sane. He went on to explain how people usually associate with people of the save level of crazy as themselves. The best part of the conservation was when he explained to us that biologists can prove that most mental illness is caused by viruses but they can't get the research money to study it. Being as I was a new employee, I did not question how they could prove something that they did not have the money to have studied yet. A lot of time and money in science is researching and finding out how what you thought you could prove is wrong but I digress. He then said that because they did not have to money to research they did not know how the virus was transmitted. He pointed out that it is stupid to think that there were virus and diseases that could effect other organs and that the brain was immune to such things. This is just not true - most people know that diseases such as syphilis or brain cancer can cause mental disorders as opposed to a mysterious virus that is transmitted mysteriously.
Then, I got the warning to avoid hanging out with crazy people or people with mental disorders since they don't know how the virus is transmitted, you could end up crazy.
I think this is a lesson for everyone that 1. if you have friends with mental illness avoid them as you might catch the virus and end up crazy 2. if you do end up crazy take a few vitamins - that should cure it...the brain virus is one of the few viruses that can be cured with vitamins...or that 3. you're probably already crazy like 80% of the population and maybe it's time you start working from home to avoid spreading it to the rest of the population (that won't make you seem crazy at all when you call work to explain why you now have to work from home)
Perhaps I should introduce big D to bar guy...I think they could learn a lot from each other!
First came at a bar where a guy explained to me that he was able to cure his bipolar by taking vitamins and amino acids at specific times in specific doses. He also explained that Autism is also completely curable. I refrained from asking too many questions regarding his cure of chemical imbalance of the brain as I would have hated to get him upset into a manic episode if he had skipped his vitamins that day...
The second was at the job I temporarily worked at the other week. The boss, big D, came in and explained to me and his assistant how 20% of the population is certifiably insane, 60% of the population had some sort of mental illness of varying degrees leaving only 20% of the population sane. He went on to explain how people usually associate with people of the save level of crazy as themselves. The best part of the conservation was when he explained to us that biologists can prove that most mental illness is caused by viruses but they can't get the research money to study it. Being as I was a new employee, I did not question how they could prove something that they did not have the money to have studied yet. A lot of time and money in science is researching and finding out how what you thought you could prove is wrong but I digress. He then said that because they did not have to money to research they did not know how the virus was transmitted. He pointed out that it is stupid to think that there were virus and diseases that could effect other organs and that the brain was immune to such things. This is just not true - most people know that diseases such as syphilis or brain cancer can cause mental disorders as opposed to a mysterious virus that is transmitted mysteriously.
Then, I got the warning to avoid hanging out with crazy people or people with mental disorders since they don't know how the virus is transmitted, you could end up crazy.
I think this is a lesson for everyone that 1. if you have friends with mental illness avoid them as you might catch the virus and end up crazy 2. if you do end up crazy take a few vitamins - that should cure it...the brain virus is one of the few viruses that can be cured with vitamins...or that 3. you're probably already crazy like 80% of the population and maybe it's time you start working from home to avoid spreading it to the rest of the population (that won't make you seem crazy at all when you call work to explain why you now have to work from home)
Perhaps I should introduce big D to bar guy...I think they could learn a lot from each other!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The time I saw the letter from the toll road.
So it appears that at some point someone from the company drove on the toll road. Now this road works by photographing your license plate and then sending the bill to the house where the vehicle is registered.
I had gone into the office to try to find a file I was looking for and saw this letter sitting on top of the desk.
A brief excerpt that I can remember states:
"We have contact the police and there is no record of your vehicle having ever been stolen. If you could either provide us with a copy of the police report or pay us, that would be great"*
Who, upon receiving a bill they don't want to pay, thinks the best advice is to lie to say that their vehicle had been stolen? In the good idea, bad idea world I live in, this would fall under the bad idea. Not only did they get caught in the lie, they now owed more money.
Here is some advice - if you are going to lie to get out of paying something, make sure it is not a lie that can be easily followed up on by a simple phone call.
*I might have ad lib'ed that last part.
I had gone into the office to try to find a file I was looking for and saw this letter sitting on top of the desk.
A brief excerpt that I can remember states:
"We have contact the police and there is no record of your vehicle having ever been stolen. If you could either provide us with a copy of the police report or pay us, that would be great"*
Who, upon receiving a bill they don't want to pay, thinks the best advice is to lie to say that their vehicle had been stolen? In the good idea, bad idea world I live in, this would fall under the bad idea. Not only did they get caught in the lie, they now owed more money.
Here is some advice - if you are going to lie to get out of paying something, make sure it is not a lie that can be easily followed up on by a simple phone call.
*I might have ad lib'ed that last part.
Monday, September 20, 2010
The time I was escorted out of the office
So after I said "Ok" to being fired, we decided I would be paid for my 2 days back and for 1 week in lieu of notice. B2 asked if I had anything from the office at home, I didn't and then she escorted to me to my desk as I went to get my bag and to shut down my computer.
While I walking, B2 kept saying "I need your passwords, I need your password to your computer and to your gmail. I need your passwords"
As I shut down my computer without logging back in, I told her she would get the passwords, when I got the cheque for the pay we'd just discussed.
She continued to chase/follow me as I walked out saying "but but but I need your passwords. I need your passwords."
D calls me to tell me the cheque is ready. I woke up super early the next day and go in before B1 and B2 are awake...which really probably could have been anytime before 11. I give her the password to my computer. I email B2 to tell her that I will give her the gmail password when my cheque clears.
When the cheque clears, I delete my gmail account...B2 really wanted to read through all of my emails, and probably send emails from me...but I deleted it instead.
I think I won that round.
While I walking, B2 kept saying "I need your passwords, I need your password to your computer and to your gmail. I need your passwords"
As I shut down my computer without logging back in, I told her she would get the passwords, when I got the cheque for the pay we'd just discussed.
She continued to chase/follow me as I walked out saying "but but but I need your passwords. I need your passwords."
D calls me to tell me the cheque is ready. I woke up super early the next day and go in before B1 and B2 are awake...which really probably could have been anytime before 11. I give her the password to my computer. I email B2 to tell her that I will give her the gmail password when my cheque clears.
When the cheque clears, I delete my gmail account...B2 really wanted to read through all of my emails, and probably send emails from me...but I deleted it instead.
I think I won that round.
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