The time I tried to go to work after a 6-week hiatus

First let me apologize for the lack of updates. I was in NYC for the summer and crazy busy so there was no time for comedy.

Anyway here is the story of my first day back at work.

I wake up late and figure who cares I hate my job. I’ll just say I have car trouble and no one will care that I’m late.

Then, I go downstairs to my car. It starts, I try to put it into Drive from Park. The gearshift won’t move. I try to force it – now it’s in between Park and Reverse. I turn off the car. I can’t get my keys out because the gearshift isn’t in park. I leave my car with the keys in. I call for a tow truck and I call work saying that I have car trouble…only now it’s real car trouble not I’m late and use it as an excuse car trouble. The tow truck arrives 1.5 hours later – it can’t make it into the underground parking garage as the clearance is 5’5”, I wait another 1.5 hours for a second tow truck. This one makes it in. The tow truck driver tries to do a few things to release the gear shift so I can drive out of the parking lot. It doesn’t work. $250 later, he tows my car out of the underground parking. It turns out they charge extra for every level the car is underground.

I call work – it’s 12:30 – I’m not going in. Is this a sign that I shouldn’t ever go back?

The garage calls me. The gearshift is frozen, the transmission is dead and the left brake caliper is dragging. $700 later, the car can only be driven in Second. My friends point out it’s just like the Friends theme song “It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear and it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year” I say fuck friends.

I figure maybe I should go back to work as I now have this new $950 on my visa bill…