The time the creepy guy at work stopped talking to me

comes by our office often was in. D2 comes by to help us by lending us things to send out to clients. He is generally socially awkward and would sometimes give me these awkward hugs where he would try to hug me while I was still in my chair. I got the sense he had a crush on me and let the awkward hugs slide.

Anyway, enough back story, back to yesterday – I was leaning over talking to D1 and D2 walked past me and grabbed my ass. I was taken aback as one is when someone randomly grabs their ass while they’re at work. I tried to find him to talk to him “Do it again & I’ll punch you in the face” He had left so I had to send an email…probably best to have got it in writing so I made sure I left out the part of threatening him with physical violence (some things are better left in your head)

I sent this email :

D2,

Your behaviour today was completely unacceptable.

I do not know why you thought it was appropriate to grab my ass when I was leaning over talking to Debbie but I can assure you that it was inappropriate.

I am going to make this clear: I do not want any physical contact with you whatsoever at work.

Please do not touch me again.

I believe you owe me an apology.

Me

He responded:

Hi Me,

I didn’t grab your ass. I gave it a tiny pinch since you

were blocking my way. Guys do that shit all the time.

I apologize for offending you.

Please rest assured it will never happen again and I will

never so much as shake your hand or speak to you again in your workplace.

Best wishes,

D2

Let’s break down this response…

I didn’t grab your ass. I gave it a tiny pinch since you were blocking my way. – Obviously it is important to distinguish between a grab and a pinch – they are totally different, both of course being unacceptable to normal people, but it appears in creeper universe the pinch is legit and grabs are wrong! It also appears that he might have gone temporarily mute as most people when someone is in their way say ‘excuse me’. Just imagine you could no longer use words and had to pinch the asses of anyone who was in your way…what a world that would be.

Guys do that shit all the time. – He appears to be a time traveler from 1958 – or has been watching too much Mad Men. This is not something guys who aren’t creepy and don’t want charges pressed against them do all of the time. That was his reason so I guess my temporarily mute theory is out the window.

I apologize for offending you. – Notice how it is not an apology for pinching my asses. This is the type of apology that leaves the blame on me for getting upset at his legit method of making me move as opposed to an actual apology that addresses the fact that ass pinching is wrong.

Please rest assured it will never happen again – Gosh I hope not, creepy!

and I will never so much as shake your hand or speak to you again in your workplace. – So in the end I win. Perhaps it is meant of a type of ‘punishment’ for me – no more handshakes…ahh! How will I sleep at night….no more awkward conversations! My day will be filled with clouds…or sunshine, probably sunshine, yes definitely sunshine – the end of awkward conversations sounds like a prize! I hope he keeps this promise…

Best wishes - cause that's an appropriate way to end, wishing me the best in my life where guys don't pinch asses or where they stop talking to girls when they are told they're behaviour is inappropriate. Those wishes mean the most to me and I will try to soldier on knowing that his best of the best wishes are behind me...probably trying to grab my ass!

So that is how the creepy guy at work stopped talking to me…or at least I hope he has